Dealing with crisis

When you follow your passion in every moment to the best of your ability with no expectations, you are guided by your higher mind towards the best life you could possibly live.

The Bliss

In August 2013 that was my motto. I got it. I did it. I lived it.

When I felt the inspiration, I wrote. My texts touched the lives of hundreds of people and I received grateful emails pretty much daily. I was giving the world the best gift I could possibly give and I was damn proud of myself because of it.

When I felt the excitement, I played my favorite computer games. The freedom, the adventure, the challenge felt absolutely ecstatic. I couldn’t imagine a better life.

I figured it all out. I lived the best life I could possibly live. I was happy.

Sometimes, somewhere at the back of my mind, a quiet little feeling was gently prodding me. The feeling told me I’m not exactly where I’m supposed to be. It was a 9 out of 10 life, but to find the 10 out of 10 required searching, rather than just improvement of what is currently there.

That feeling didn’t matter though. Because before I really took time to explore it, the worst has happened.

The Collapse

It started as a gentle pulsating pain in my hands. I told myself it was nothing. I exercised more, took more breaks, did healing meditations.

One thing I didn’t try though was drastic change of my lifestyle. It’s okay I didn’t try it, because after a few weeks it was the only option left anyway.

The pain got worse, my hands have swollen up. From the first moment since I woke up, until my last moments of struggle to fall asleep at night, pain was my constant companion. It reminded me: “you can’t do anything or it’ll hurt so much more”.

Of course “anything” included preparing food or washing my hair. I can live without that, asking others to help me.

The real problem was that I spent the last couple of years following my passion, and I was very passionate about computer games and writing.

At first I was quite confident that I could heal myself fast. After all, isn’t the universe supposed to support me as long as I follow my passion? Didn’t I just follow my passion for the last couple of years? Where’s the support then?

I can tell you where the support wasn’t. It wasn’t in the first week, month or even year.

When neither doctors (who called it carpal tunnel) nor healing meditations could help me, I started losing faith that I will ever be able to do anything I am passionate about again.

Months passed and the best I could do was watch other people on video play the games I love and miss so damn much.

I tried to make some audio recordings or videos for my inspirational website, but editing and uploading them was nigh on impossible while trying to move the mouse with my face and legs. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly in the mood for inspiring others when my life was in ruins.

Three more months with little to no improvement and I became suicidal. It was easy for me to go there because I was never really that scared of death.

The Rescue

When I was doing research on how to do it, my friends managed to put my focus elsewhere by deciding to move in together to a new apartment.

Cooperating with them I would be able to do some of the work I was passionate about. I started figuring out basics of controlling the computer with voice commands and they would fill in the gaps doing those things I can’t.

They kept me going for another six months when I had no strength left to keep going on my own.

Towards the end of those six months I have mastered the voice commands to the point where I could play a few turn-based strategy games with my voice only. After undergoing acupuncture and several forms of rehabilitation, my injury was SLIGHTLY better.

I also watched a lot of people play computer games and broadcast it live. They earned their living from that – professional live streamers. I became increasingly excited about the possibility of doing it myself.

The Transformation

When the apartment we were renting together became no longer available, I was ready. I moved back my old place and start a career of live streaming myself play computer games, just like those I have watched for the last year.

It still hurt, but I was excited, passionate, driven. I was happy again. I felt I belonged. I felt like a man again, a master of my own life. I felt like I’ve grown up in the past year, in both my tolerance of pain and discomfort, and in my clarity of who I am.

I was 23 then and up until that point I never kept the same job or business for more than a year. I would always do a little bit of this and a little bit of that, never really finding that true place where I belong. It’s a thing that young people go through in that period I suppose.

As of writing this article though, I have been live streaming for almost 2 years. It’s that 10 out of 10 life that I was missing two years ago. It’s where I belong.

I’m not going to bother explaining what’s so exciting and important about playing computer games on camera and providing commentary that I feel like I belong there, rather than doing life coaching sessions and creating inspirational materials. If you still judge passions in a logical way, you’re simply doing is wrong and I won’t indulge your mistaken ways by feeding them an explanation. That’s not the point of this article. The point is:

The Lesson

When you follow your passion in every moment to the best of your ability with no expectations, you are guided by your higher mind towards the best life you could possibly live.

I believed it. I stopped believing it when my life went to shit. Now I don’t need to believe it. I know it in a way so deep, that it doesn’t require belief.

Of course, what I was doing wrong before was the “with no expectations” part. When following my passion included a two-year injury and the most painful time of my life, it kind of failed my expectations.

How silly of me! After all, would I ever find this beautiful place I am in now without all that has happened to me?

Let’s not even mention the fact, that the amount of pain and adversity I had to face alone turned me from boy to man in so many ways. I have found persistence, strength and patience within me that I never knew existed.

Before my injury I was interested in shooters and real-time strategy games. It just so happens they are impossible to play without completely wrecking my hands. I became interested in turn-based strategies and digital card games instead, at first out of necessity because I could control them with voice.

Funny thing: turn-based strategies and digital card games are also the games that made my live stream so popular right now. If I stuck to my old taste in games, I would fail to be noticed in this very competitive market, just like so many others fail to break through all the time.

Even right now, as my injury slowly recedes, I am reassured of its usefulness again. I tried to switch to more games that don’t involve voice commands and are more action-oriented, and my viewers strongly stated that they want me to stay with turn-based strategies anyway.

Obviously the hell I’ve been through was the shortest and easiest way for me to find my place in life. Obviously there was no way I could logically draw the line between there and here. Obviously the only way to follow your passion is with no expectation.

Your passion will take you through all of the unexpected ways to all of the unexpected places, where you will find yourself exactly where you need to be at exactly the right time.

It would’ve been much easier for me if I simply relaxed and enjoyed the ride instead of arguing with the reality every step of the way. Of course the ride was quite bumpy, but just like every other true feeling, the enjoyment comes from within me, not from the ride itself.

I consider myself recovered from my injury. It’s not because I can fully operate mouse and keyboard. That still makes my hands hurt. I have recovered from fighting my injury and arguing against it.

I use it as the guideline from my higher mind that tells me where I need to go. When it’s no longer needed as a guideline and I feel no inner resistance to it, it’ll just go away naturally.

I follow my passion to the best of my ability with no expectation. If something is outside my ability, I simply just don’t do it. If something unexpected happens, it’s okay, because I have not expected anything in the first place.

The Takeaway

When your life goes to shit in one area or another, ask yourself this: “what is the most exciting, inspired thing to do right now?”. It doesn’t have to be the “jumping up and down” kind of excitement. It might simply just feel right deep down in your heart.

If you find it difficult to get an answer, you might be asking in the wrong place. Read the article on channeling and follow the steps in it. It’ll make it easier for you to receive an intuitive answer from your higher mind, especially if you have been ignoring your intuition up until this point.

Follow that answer to the best of your ability with no expectations. Remember that everything is fundamentally neutral and can serve a positive purpose. Remember also, that you will most likely not see that positive purpose with your mind at the moment. That is why I’m telling you to follow your heart, your intuition.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Most powerful ideas oftentimes do. It takes one hell of a person to implement it though. A better one than I was two years ago, anyway. You think you can do it?

I know you can!


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